I've been thinking a lot lately about creative nonfiction - and that's probably due to the fact that for the first time in 7(?) years, I have been inspired by people. Real life people.
I took my first creative nonfiction class in community college because it was a term I had never heard before. How on Earth could an essay be creative? But it opened up this new world to me, a world of memoir and a level of thought that I needed and ended up thriving on.
the first creative essay I wrote landed me a spot reading in a swanky art gallery surrounded by middle aged, well dressed academics drinking wine (which was, and still is my measurement of success). I continued taking creative nonfiction as a writing major at Southern Oregon University. I got A;s, I was told I could easily be a biographer or a memoirist, or essayist writing for any number of journals, and yet, for some reason, I stopped. I attended Grad School where I studied Library Science, not just because I wanted to be a librarian, but also because I didn't believe I could make a living as a writer. 1 year post Masters and I am not making a living as either a librarian OR a writer. Just a note.
I've also been focusing a ton of my writing efforts to fiction. I've fallen in love with short stories, and am also good at writing them. I want to write stories and novels and fiction in general. But creative nonfiction had always been a way for me to process my depression and my anxiety. I have been trying to make fiction that outlet for me, but I also view fiction writing as a job. I don't go to my job at Staples and discuss with the customers my constant negative thought spirals, I don't go to my library job and as I'm checking out books to patrons also discuss with them how I was 10 minutes late this morning because I was crying in the shower. Why would I then put these things in my fiction writing?
This sudden strike of inspiration started with a YouTube video that John Green posted on his Vlog Brothers channel. I won't go into extreme detail about what that channel is, but basically it's a channel where brothers John and Hank Green talk to one another and to the internet at large. John posts videos every Tuesday and starts them with "Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday." John also has OCD and is very open about it, which on its own is very inspiring for sure, but in one of his most recent videos he gave us a glimpse of it by showing the unedited version of his intro. It's just him saying "good morning Hank it's Tuesday." over and over again, until he gets the right one. I remember making a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a sigh (maybe I did both) and I also teared up. I don't have OCD, but my anxiety causes me to go into very similar obsessive cycles.
For example, my library recently hosted a large Comic Con event, but to prep for that I had to make a lot of phone calls asking for donations. Phone calls are a huge anxiety trigger for me. Before every call I made, this is what I'd do:
1. Write out a script of what I wanted to say.
2. Practice said script...like 10 times.
3. Do a 1 minute breathing exercise
4. Call and hang up on the 2nd ring (if they didn't pick up).
5. Go through a bunch of negative thought cycles about all the worse case scenarios.
6. Another 1 minute breathing exercise.
7. Finally call again and proceed with the script.
I would do this with each phone call I had to make. Of course this was all done in the privacy of my temporary makeshift office. I also got into these kinds of cycles when I create stuff. I had to make room counters for this same event (basically business card sized things with a hole punched in them and a string tied to them) and I stopped and restarted that project several times. Whether it be to change the string color, or type, or size, or whatever simply because the first way "didn't feel right."
Why share all this here? Well, in all honesty, seeing John share that moment with us, was so strong and so inspiring and although his YouTube show isn't creative nonfiction per se, those same feelings I got while watching that clip are the same feelings i get when I write creative nonfiction or when I read or experience it. It makes me look inside of myself and process things that I have either been avoiding processing or didn't know that I needed to process.
And by writing it and putting it out there for people to read, it puts me in a vulnerable but consensual place to open up tough conversations. And hopefully shows people that they're not alone or to inspire them to think about something a little deeper.
But while it was John's video that inspired me to think about writing creative nonfiction again, it was something else that reminded me of creative nonfiction as an art. I mentioned it in a past suggestions post, and that is the S-Town Podcast.
S-Town is probably the best piece of creative nonfiction I have experienced in a long time. Hell, maybe even ever. It's gotten some mixed reviews because a lot of people thought it was a True Crime show. I'm not sure where people got that idea, perhaps because it mentions a murder? Anyway, it's not true crime, it's creative nonfiction. I won't tell you what it's about plot wise. You'll have to do that on your own, but I will share what it was about to me.
S-Town is about being human. About being a contradiction. It's about accepting all of the weirdness you may have in you. It's about suffering, and also about surviving, even it it's also about death. And yes, while there is death, it is about life as well. True, authentic life. This podcast tells me that not only is it okay for me to be a contradiction, to be many things that seem like they don't go together, it also tells me that that is what makes me human. And that, to me, is the core o what creative nonfiction is about. To show the highest highs and the lowest lows of being human in a way that fiction can't quite do.
So what am I getting at? What i'm getting at is that I need to write some creative nonfiction. I'm going back to my roots ya'll. Writing essays and short stories. I need to remember why I write and what makes MY writing different from everyone else's.
And I think it starts with me being transparent, honest, and unapologetic.
I'm not giving up on my novel(s). I write horror because humans can be scary, and being scared is such a basic human emotion. But I need to remember what it means to be human first.
And I'm gonna bring you all with me.
I took my first creative nonfiction class in community college because it was a term I had never heard before. How on Earth could an essay be creative? But it opened up this new world to me, a world of memoir and a level of thought that I needed and ended up thriving on.
the first creative essay I wrote landed me a spot reading in a swanky art gallery surrounded by middle aged, well dressed academics drinking wine (which was, and still is my measurement of success). I continued taking creative nonfiction as a writing major at Southern Oregon University. I got A;s, I was told I could easily be a biographer or a memoirist, or essayist writing for any number of journals, and yet, for some reason, I stopped. I attended Grad School where I studied Library Science, not just because I wanted to be a librarian, but also because I didn't believe I could make a living as a writer. 1 year post Masters and I am not making a living as either a librarian OR a writer. Just a note.
I've also been focusing a ton of my writing efforts to fiction. I've fallen in love with short stories, and am also good at writing them. I want to write stories and novels and fiction in general. But creative nonfiction had always been a way for me to process my depression and my anxiety. I have been trying to make fiction that outlet for me, but I also view fiction writing as a job. I don't go to my job at Staples and discuss with the customers my constant negative thought spirals, I don't go to my library job and as I'm checking out books to patrons also discuss with them how I was 10 minutes late this morning because I was crying in the shower. Why would I then put these things in my fiction writing?
This sudden strike of inspiration started with a YouTube video that John Green posted on his Vlog Brothers channel. I won't go into extreme detail about what that channel is, but basically it's a channel where brothers John and Hank Green talk to one another and to the internet at large. John posts videos every Tuesday and starts them with "Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday." John also has OCD and is very open about it, which on its own is very inspiring for sure, but in one of his most recent videos he gave us a glimpse of it by showing the unedited version of his intro. It's just him saying "good morning Hank it's Tuesday." over and over again, until he gets the right one. I remember making a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a sigh (maybe I did both) and I also teared up. I don't have OCD, but my anxiety causes me to go into very similar obsessive cycles.
For example, my library recently hosted a large Comic Con event, but to prep for that I had to make a lot of phone calls asking for donations. Phone calls are a huge anxiety trigger for me. Before every call I made, this is what I'd do:
1. Write out a script of what I wanted to say.
2. Practice said script...like 10 times.
3. Do a 1 minute breathing exercise
4. Call and hang up on the 2nd ring (if they didn't pick up).
5. Go through a bunch of negative thought cycles about all the worse case scenarios.
6. Another 1 minute breathing exercise.
7. Finally call again and proceed with the script.
I would do this with each phone call I had to make. Of course this was all done in the privacy of my temporary makeshift office. I also got into these kinds of cycles when I create stuff. I had to make room counters for this same event (basically business card sized things with a hole punched in them and a string tied to them) and I stopped and restarted that project several times. Whether it be to change the string color, or type, or size, or whatever simply because the first way "didn't feel right."
Why share all this here? Well, in all honesty, seeing John share that moment with us, was so strong and so inspiring and although his YouTube show isn't creative nonfiction per se, those same feelings I got while watching that clip are the same feelings i get when I write creative nonfiction or when I read or experience it. It makes me look inside of myself and process things that I have either been avoiding processing or didn't know that I needed to process.
And by writing it and putting it out there for people to read, it puts me in a vulnerable but consensual place to open up tough conversations. And hopefully shows people that they're not alone or to inspire them to think about something a little deeper.
But while it was John's video that inspired me to think about writing creative nonfiction again, it was something else that reminded me of creative nonfiction as an art. I mentioned it in a past suggestions post, and that is the S-Town Podcast.
S-Town is probably the best piece of creative nonfiction I have experienced in a long time. Hell, maybe even ever. It's gotten some mixed reviews because a lot of people thought it was a True Crime show. I'm not sure where people got that idea, perhaps because it mentions a murder? Anyway, it's not true crime, it's creative nonfiction. I won't tell you what it's about plot wise. You'll have to do that on your own, but I will share what it was about to me.
S-Town is about being human. About being a contradiction. It's about accepting all of the weirdness you may have in you. It's about suffering, and also about surviving, even it it's also about death. And yes, while there is death, it is about life as well. True, authentic life. This podcast tells me that not only is it okay for me to be a contradiction, to be many things that seem like they don't go together, it also tells me that that is what makes me human. And that, to me, is the core o what creative nonfiction is about. To show the highest highs and the lowest lows of being human in a way that fiction can't quite do.
So what am I getting at? What i'm getting at is that I need to write some creative nonfiction. I'm going back to my roots ya'll. Writing essays and short stories. I need to remember why I write and what makes MY writing different from everyone else's.
And I think it starts with me being transparent, honest, and unapologetic.
I'm not giving up on my novel(s). I write horror because humans can be scary, and being scared is such a basic human emotion. But I need to remember what it means to be human first.
And I'm gonna bring you all with me.
Forward!!
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